Hello there! This is our recap/review (or rant as the case may be) of the season finale of Lost. We kick-off with a Flash-recap (25 caps or less!) of the 2-part finale followed by a discussion between us where we go mental with all the WTF?! and HOLY CRAPs and with our theories for next season. Enjoy!

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Recap of Lost, Season 5, Episode 15, Follow the Leader.

I start the episode wondering WHO the leader the title refers to: is it Jack, Locke, Sawyer? All of the above?

The episode starts right after the previous one ended – with Faraday’s death, but from Jack and Kate’s point of view. Just before Faraday’s death though, they discuss whether he is crazy or not. Kate says yes. Jack says no : “What if this is why we’re here? What if this is our one chance to put things back the way they’re supposed to be?” Jack is sounding more and more like one John Locke. Anyways, Faraday is a goner and they flee. Or try to because….

they are stopped by Widmore, who starts kicking Jack’s butt and I love it. Already I like this episode.

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Recap of Season 5, Episode 14 titled The Variable.

This is the 100th episode of Lost and it is a Faraday-centric. It is quite aptly titled to reflect his relationship with Desmond – who had an episode titled The Constant (one of my top 2 favorites).

Now, what does the variable mean?

Desmond is being taken to the hospital after being shot by Ben. Penny is desperate and waiting when…

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Recap of Lost, Episode 12, season 5 – Dead is Dead

it is time to embark on a Ben-centric episode! Woohoo!

Episode opens with a VERY charming, good looking man on a horse getting to the Other’s camp. The bloke has a british acccent so I know it’s Charles Widmore. Who would have thought he would look THIS good on his 30s (40s?). He is not happy that Richard took “one of them” to the temple. I suppose he means Benny. Richard plays his usual trumps: It is what Jacob wanted. and you know that the island chooses who the island chooses…so…there.

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Recap of Lost Season 5 Episode 11 titled Whatever Happened, Happened.

This is a Kate-centric and you know what this means: lots of good scenes with Sawyer and the potential to make one go NUTS wondering “WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO HER CHARACTER?” . Also, her episodes also come loaded with scenes with Jack which means this is a great opportunity for you to play The Jackface Game – every time there is a Jackface cap you drink. I can guarantee you will be drunk by the time you finish reading this recap.

So, where were we? Oh, yes Sayid shot young Ben, ran into the jungle and Jin was out cold. Jin comes to (phew) and sees Benny and runs to him. Benny says: “Please … help…” and I am like awwww. HELP HIM JIN.

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Fasten your seat belts cause it’s a Sayid episode: violence and hotness ahead.

Lost recap: Season 5 Episode 10 – He’s our you

The episode opens and I am surprised cause this is a honest-to-god proper Flashback! A man in Iraq tells his son that he needs!to!be! a! man! which seems can only happen by killing a defenseless chicken.  The boy is not very happy about it…then another boy comes (his younger brother?) and it’s Sayid!

Who takes over the duty and kills the chicken with his own bare hands – by snapping its neck! Jaysus…..Sayid was bad-ass even then. But it makes me wonder about his other flashbacks – you know, the ones that show how reluctant he was about torturing and killing people. …hummm

Back to the future (errr past?) Sayid is a prisoner in DharmaVille…
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This week in our Lost recap: Season 5 Episode 9 – Namaste

The episode opens and our people are in the plane. I am guessing we are going to find out what happened to the non-O6ers? Frank is piloting and the co-pilot is all can you believe that guy? The one with the curly hair? he is one of the O6 and he is flying again! Frank is all like a-ha

The guy is our Hurley of course who when the plane starts to shake is all like: dude you better fasten your seat belt.

Then Swoooosh, they are gone. We know what happened to them..but…

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Are you ready for this? Because, ladies and gentlemen, this week it is FINALLY Sawyer’s turn after I don’t know how many episodes, the Man, the Legend, my Favorite character out of Lost gets an episode.

The paragraph above should have prepared you for what is to come but in case it is not clear, DISCLAIMER: This is a Sawyer episode. There will be: drooling; squeeing; ranting; exploding ovaries; tears; laughs; more drooling and a LOT of beautiful, pretty photos.

Lost: Season 5 – Episode 8 , LaFleur

So, the episode opens and there is the moment when Locke falls down the well and turns the Wheel of Time and we learn what happens with the people that stayed behind. They shift in time and go back to a point when there was a FREAKING EGYPTIAN STATUE???!!! Before it can sink in, they shift again and I am like WAIT! WHAT? WAAIT.

People. Was the island Egyptian at some point? Because if you recall, there are hieroglyphs all over the place. At the temple. In the Hatch. AND Richard wears EYELINER and lives forever – I think that settles it: I always thought Richard was some sort of God of Hawt – now it has been proven. But back to the point at hand which is….

They have shifted back to a point and they realise that this time something is different.

They are not bleeding, for starters (thank God!)

So they realise that whatever it is that Locke is doing, it must have worked. “Now what” Juliet Asks. “Now we wait for them to come back”  Sawyer says dramatically

“For how long?” “As long as it takes”

oh the DRAMA, the DRAMA it’s too much – because we cue to:

3 years later and some unknown individuals are having a parteeee at one of the Dharma stations

Then they see someone in one of the screens and they are like, ooo we need to get LaFleur (not that I understand what they are saying mind you….I think they say: we need to get the “floor” and I am like, ha?)

They run and we see they are in Othersville

They knock at LaFleur’s door and he answers and they explain they have a breach of security and Horace seems to be drunk and LaFleur speaks and I recognise the voice (because I would know this voice ANYWHERE)

And it’s Sawyer’s! And HE is LaFleur! And he works for the Dharma Initiative and lives in Othersville! AND he has shaved and looks amazing.  And he says “Son of a bitch” awwwwwwww, my baby.

Then he goes and get his uniform and he is HEAD OF SECURITY – WTF?!

He is then joined by Miles in the Dharma van and and they drive to get Horace who is their leader…..he got drunk and is playing with some dynamite or some other kind of explosive, not that care about that because I want to looooook at Sawyer’s pretty face again.

Oh, here he is again, carrying his boss to his lady wife , Amy who is

Michelle! from 24! Tony Almeida’s wife (Tony Almeida is NOT dead by the way, I KNEW it). Ahem. I digress.

Michelle from 24 is pregnant.

And decides that now is a good time to have the baby. Sawyer helps her and then….flashback to 3 years ago

They leave the well behind and find Daniel who is babbling, “I won’t do it, I am not gonna do it. ” Sheesh kebab, the guy wasn’t very right in his mind, I guess he has gone cuckoo now.

They ask about Charlotte. He says she is dead. That when there was the light she moved on and they stayed.

Sawyer is like. Wait, is it over? And Dan is like:

“Of course it’s over. Wherever we are now — whenever we are now — we’re here for good.”

Ok then. WHEN is now?

So they decide to go back to the beach, or Sawyer decides. Miles is all like,oooo who has made you leader?

and he is like: “Or maybe when we get there, you’ll… you’ll wanna go back to the Orchid again. And then when that gets boring, we can head back to the beach. It’s the only two plans you people have”. Oh, I see. Now that Sawyer is all good and heroic they need someone to be the anti-hero and to get all the snarky lines….but I am sorry folks, Miles is no Sawyer.

Hummm this cap really has no use here but he looks so pretty.

Anyways they decide to go to the beach. Sawyer thanks Juliet for getting his back and she says that she thinks the plan is stupid too but better to have a stupid plan than no plan at all.

They are all flirty and light and I DON’T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING OKAY?

But right then they hear some shots and screaming and they run and they see a couple and a woman being captured by Others and Miles doesn’t want to get inv0lved because Faraday says they can’t change the past so why bother but Sawyer, my hero, wants to helps and asks Juliet to get his back and she is like ALWAYS and I like ooooooooo I don’t like where this is going….

And Juliet saves him because one of the guys was going to shoot him and they kill the man and rescue

the woman who is

Michelle from 24!

and the man, her husband Paul, is dead. They bury the Others because she mumbles something about a truce, then she asks who they are and Sawyer comes up with a story about how they were on a boat and there was an accident and they were looking for their friends.

She takes them to Othersville, Jin helps carrying her husband. On the way there, Sawyer tells everyone that he will do the talking, because he used to lie for a living and he is very good at it.

They stop at the sonic fence and they know what it is , but they can’t tell Michelle from 24 and they asks her to disconnect the thing and she does it, they cross over and

and fall down in pain.

She just pretended, the sneaky biatch. She had ear plugs.

Back to the future, Michelle from 24 is having her baby

And the doctor doesn’t know what to do. What kind of doctor is that anyway?

So Sawyer runs and…

gets the mechanic???

Who is Juliet!

and asks her to help the Amy and the baby. Juliet , if you recall , was brought to the island to find out why babies were dying so this is probably before that – and I wonder if something thay they do now is not the true cause. Faraday says that “whatever happened, happened” but now they are LIVING in the past – by the way, it’s 1977!!! – so surely, anything they do can and will matter right? Consequences and everything.

Anyways, she goes and she is all like, ooo I don’t know if I can do this.

And Sawyer is all like, I know you can. You are awesome. etc etc.

AND I DON’T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. AT ALL.

Outside Sawyer is like the baby’s father, he is so nervous.It’s really cute.

Then Jin comes and his English is pretty good now and asks how is everything and there is no news

Then they talk how Jin has been looking for their friends and didn’t find anyone today again. No sign of their people and how long will they look for them. And Sawyer says for as long as it takes.

Then Juliet steps outside and she is all happy because the baby? the baby is OK.

And DEAR LORD can this man be more adorable? Seriously, look at him. It is a good thing I kicked Dear Partner out of the room because I need to replay this scene. You know, solely for research purposes. So that I can get the scene right for the recap.

Moving on.

3 years ago, Sawyer is passed out.

Then Horace, with the horrible 70s hair-do  asks who they are. Sawyer spins this amazing story how they are in this expedition looking for an old ship, the Black Rock and their boat wrecked and they are looking for their friends and his names is Jim LaFleur.

Horace buys the tale but tells them they need to leave the next day on the submarine. Sawyer is desperate, they need to stay on the island if they want to go back to their own time!

Outside, the others wait for the outcome of Sawyer and Horace’s convo. Juliet tells everybody that she used to live there.

Faraday is all looney tunes and then he sees…

little Charlotte. And this does not bode well.

Then the alarm signal goes crazy and they are made to run inside the houses

Because the Others are coming!! the Others are coming!

It’s Eyeliner Richard!!

Horace goes to talk to him and Richard is not very happy that there are two of his men missing. What about the truce. What does Horace have to say about it?

Then Sawyer is all like, let me deal with it.

And Juliet is all like. What are you going to do? And he is like, I will figure out something.

Then the God of Cool walks to the God of Hawt and says: Hello, Richard. I am the guy who killed your men.” He tells the story , how he heard gunshots, how the guys were attacking the couple, how they attacked him first. he had no choice

He was defending himself. (whoa ,mamma, look at him)

Richard is all like, why are you telling me all this? What do your people say? They are not my people, hoss. So if you go some sort of truce it ain’t broken. Sawyer says like an escapee from a western . (whoa,mamma look at him)

Ay, ovaries about to explode, ovaries about to explode.

Then Sawyer says “Did you bury the bomb?” ooooooooo. Richard looks at him like HE is da bomb. And he is, cause he is all like: a few years ago a bald man walked into your camp and told you he was your leader and then disappeared. “That man’s name is John Locke and I am waiting for him to come back. “Just like that, all cool and collected.

And we, folks, need to pause here and analyse this moment in history. This is a man who has come a long, long way from season 1, when he didn’t care for nothing and no-one to being a man who cares about people and knows how to take care of them. Most importantly, someone who is able and capable to respond aptly, camly and responsibly in times of trouble.

Now, let’s compare to the man who is supposed to be the hero of the show shall we? one Jack Shephard? In the same situation, I BET he would be 1) crying 2) yelling and 3)accomplishing nothing in the process.

(no it doesn’t matter that they are both fictional characters that do only what the writers tell them to do!)

In any case, Sawyer pacifies Richard who “only” wants to take Paul’s body with him and they say yes. They really have no choice.

Then Sawyer goes to meet Juliet and Juliet is all like. I want to leave. I don’t want to stay here. I am going with the sub and I am like gogogogogogogo

because I so don’t like where this is going.

and she is like, I have tried to leave for 3 years now it is my chance. And even though I want her to go , I am also like YO STUPID it’s 1977, what are you going to do?

Which is exactly what Sawyer tells her. Then he is like…CUTE and ADORABLE again and he says: you are going to leave me here aaaaaaaaaaall by myself with the crazy scientist, the I- speak-to-dead-people-guy and Jin who speaks only Korean?

And then the final blow: “who is going to get my back” followed by a throw of his hair and a to die for smile. Really what would any woman in sane conscience do? Undress and throw herself at his feet. Wait. No, that’s not the right answer, is it? Sorry:

Stay, of course.

3 years later: Sawyer is picking flowers and smelling them. KILL ME NOW. BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING.

A TABLE PREPARED FOR TWO.

JULIET IS COOKING.

HE OFFERS HER THE FLOWER. OMG what is this?

It is me smiling. Because he looks so happy. And really, I have rooted for his character for so long, it does my soul heaps of good to see him like this. Even if it is with Juliet and not with Kate.

She is gorgeous, by the way, there is no denying. And I thought it would NEVER work between them…but it does.   He tells her how awesome she was with Michelle from 24 and the baby

They hug

They laugh

They kiss.

She says I love you.

And he says I love you too. And really, it’s cute and it’s clear they are so happy and they are FRIENDS which is so important. I am happy for them , truly, I am.

Next, Sawyer is reading next to a sleeping Horace. He has new glasses.

Horace wakes up and Sawyer says he has bad news and good news:

Good news: You are a daddy (look at his face, can this man be more handsome?)  Bad news: you missed it.

Then Horace says he got drunk because he found Paul’s necklace in Amy’s drawer and he asks Sawyer if 3 years was enough to forget someone.

Then he says: “I had a thing for a girl once. And I had a shot at her…” “But I didn’t take it. For a little while, I’d lay in bed every night, wondering if it was a mistake, wondering if I’d ever stop thinking about her. And now I can barely remember what she looks like.” “And her face… it’s… She’s just gone, and she ain’t never coming back. So, is three years long enough to get over someone?”

“Absolutely.”

Do you know what is this sound you hear my dear friends: my heart breaking. For 5 years I have shipped Sawyer and Kate. I have rooted for them to be together. I have followed this man and his love for THAT woman and how he changed because of his love for her. And it’s now another woman who will see the fruits of his change. I guess it’s ok, because in all honesty, I can’t stand Kate, but it is a very strange feeling.

Day time. Juliet and Sawyer are spooning. The woman is clever , I will give you that.

Then Sawyer gets a phone call from Jin and we all know what is coming, right? Be still my heart! Reunion! How are they going to play that?

For starters, Sawyer does NOT tell Juliet what is going on….hummm..

Then he drives to meet….

Them…..

First Hurley comes out of the van…

Then Jack who gives one of his half-assed smiles

Then……*insert amazing powerful song here*

……

…….

……

……

…..

….

….

And we KNOW, we just KNOW that Sawyer could not, would not, never, in a million years FORGET Freckles, this woman who was his first love. And although it is clear that there is friendship and love between Sawyer and Juliet  there is more passion and wanting in this one smoldering look at Kate than in any scene between Sawyer and Juliet. And with that my heart is pieced back together, I cry a little bit but end up torn and ranting about how TPTB are stupid SOBs who created yet ANOTHER stupid love triangle. Man. One thing though: Kate needs to step up and go through HER redemption  because now she is the one who needs to deserve Sawyer. And Juliet better fight for her man .

LOST.

I love this show.

All caps courtesy of Lost-Media

Leaving Jack’s episode behind us (Thank GOD) , we move on to a Locke- episode. Yieppeeee.

Season 5- Episode 7: The Life and Death Of Jeremy Bentham

We start with a “I Told you so” – this is the dude from the check – in line from the other episode, remember?

Cesar seems to be his name and his at a Dharma Station? What? so, he is in the island as well? So everyone in the plane landed? not only the O6ers? hummmm

He picks up a Life Magazine and it looks like it is an old issue…he also finds a gun.

Then the Marshall chick that had Sayid (the biatch – hummm wait. Is that Sayid’s Potential Love Interest Numero Tres?) arrested shows up and asks if he found anything. He lies about the gun. Humpft. Then she tells him that one of the other passagens found a guy just standing in the water. Wearing a suit. He didn’t seem to be on the place. Do you hear that? That is my heart-beat going HOLY CRAP, is that LOCKE?

Then they go back to the beach and Jaysus , the plane HAS crashed just like the original Oceanic Flight 815!

There is a guy sitting in the sand…..can you hear that? That is the sound of my fangirl Squeeness preparing to go:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HE IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (not that we didn’t already know. still the scene is awesome )

It’s the next morning and Locke is staring at the Ocean

The Marshall chick offers him a mango and asks him if he remembers anything. He asks her if she knows who the boats that are on the beach belong to. She says she doesn’t know but that the pilot (Lapidus!) and another woman (Sun???) took off with one of them last night. Locke asks for a passenger list.

and eats the mango and says it’s the bestest mango ever. I guess dying and resurrecting makes one less particular but I wouldn’t know for sure.

Then he says he remembers dying. Yep, Locke is alive and kicking indeed.

So, it’s flashback time and we go back to the moment where he leaves the island.

He wakes up in the desert (same location that Ben woke up as well when the turned the Wheel of Time?)

Yep, it’s Tunisia, Locke is in bad shape. He vomits. His leg is broken. He notices a surveillance camera then he screams for help.

Nightime, some dudes come and get him and take him to a hospital.

A shady figure observes while a doctor tries to calm down a desperate Locke

who is having his bone set. Oh, the pain! the pain! Poor Lockie-poo.

When he comes to, he finds out he is not alone.

And it’s Charles Widmore: this, I did NOT see coming. Locke is all like: Do I know you? And I am all like, duh, he has never SEEN old Widmore. Only heard of him and then he met YOUNG Widmore. Is this show complicated or what? Then Widmore tells him that to him it has been years since the two met whereas to Locke it has been four days. That Widmore used to be The Other’s LEADER and that Ben tricked him into leaving the Island just like he tricked Locke. Locke tries to explain that Ben had nothing to do with him leaving the island (which he didn’t).  Widmore tries to find out more, why then did Locke leave?

Will he try to take the O6ers back? Then he says to Locke that it has been 3 years – which means that Locke jumped 3 years into the future.

The next morning, Locke is sitting outside and he has a new passport with a new identity:

Jeremy Bentham – Canadian.

Locke and Widmore have a one to one. Widmore gives him the location of all the losties. Then he says he has an interest in the future of the island. He wants to help. He is not the enemy. It is driving me mental, because holy shit, I feel like believing him. But then Locke, reminds us that he sent a team with C4 to kill them all and I am all like phew, thank you Jonh for refreshing my memory.

Then Widmore says that all he wanted to do was to kill Ben so that Locke could lead and then Locke asks why and then Widmore says because you are special and then asks why am I so special and then Widmore says “Because you are” Muwahahahahaha. Please dude. I am getting tired of the “beacause you ares” I .need. answers!!!!! Then Locke says that Richard said that he would have to die and then Widmore says that he will not let it happen. ooookay. Yeah, ha-ha.

Then Abaddon, shows up and he is Teh Driver. First Stop: San Domingo to see Sayid (of course, they are flying there, not driving from Tunisia. duh)

Sayid is doing some sort of voluntary work. He is surprised to see Locke. Locke tells him that he needs to go back to the Island of Doom and Sayid says he has had enough. He worked with Ben for two years under the assumption that he was helping the people they left behind. NO MORE,he says. Then he says he was married to the woman he loved, Nadia (Note: not Shannon, he loved her for about 10 days then she died, then he went back to loving Nadia, now it’s a matter of time until he loves the Marshall chick I am pretty sure, but I digress. Love stories make me dizzy) but then Nadia died. Locke is very touched. But then Sayid is REALLY mean – BAD SAYID – and says something like: why do you want to go back Locke is it because you have nowhere else to go? Sheesh Sayid. Did you really have to??

Locke and Abaddon are sitting in the car waiting for something or someone. Locke asks Abaddon to  look Helen (his ex girlfriend) up.

Then they get out and Locke sees who he is looking for and it’s:

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!!!!! Who is like, a giant!

He asks about his father. Oopsie Locke says that last thing he heard he was on a freighter just outside the island. Walt doesn’t seem particularly surprised to see him and says he has been having dreams about Locke (ooooooooooooooooo)  in them he’s dressed in a suit and people want to hurt him (ooooooooooooooo). Then he asks what Locke wants. I guess Locke was supposed to get Walt to go back, but re-thinks about this and says he just wanted to know if he was ok. awwww, remember back in season one? The two of them, being good buddies and playing backgammon and stuff? Good times.  Locke leaves.

Cue to Ben standing in the crowd from afar looking all doom and gloom. I have NEVER seen him looking as EVIL as this. Ok, maybe once or twice. FINE. I am exaggerating. It is MY recap ok?

Next stop: Hurley at the mental institution. Hurley thinks Locke is dead and says oh, they got you too ha?

Then Locke says he is alive. Then Hurley gets scared because he is alive. Gosh, I love this show. Seeing dead people is GOOD. Seeingliving people is BAD.

Then Locke tries to co-opt Hurley for the mission Going Back but Hurley doesn’t want to hear anything. He tells Locke that

Abaddon is EVIIIIIIIIL and that he should be careful. In the car, Abaddon and Locke talk about old times when , I don’t know if you remember that: but Abaddon was the one that talked John into going to Australia to do the walkabout that got into the original flight! Abaddon says that this is what he does for Widmore, he helps people going where they need to go.

Next stop: Kateland. She refuses to go back. I want to know how in the world did Kate get to be so cold about the people she left behind. Hello, we are talking SAWYER here, the man she boinked (excuse my language) many times and exchanged love words with (ok, not exactly. I exaggerate. Please see previous comment about this being my recap and all). Then she aks him if he has ever loved anyone and that he was desperate to stay in the island and I completely fail to see how this has anything to do with well, anything.

Then he tells her about Helen.

Then she is like, all sarcastic: biatch see how far you have come?

and I am like whoa cowgirl. Get down your high horse please? All of a sudden everybody behaves like they are perfect and dish it all on poor Locke. I really do freaking HATE Kate. You have a perfect life Kate: you pretend to be good like you never killed anybody just because you felt like. or that you got a baby that it’s not yours just because you felt like it. so. See how far YOU have come?

Next stop: cemetery. Poor Locke finds out Helen is D-E-A-D. Poor man never gets a respite.

Then they go back to the car and Abaddon gets shot and dies! and I am like, shiiiiit! I did not see that coming either!

Locke desperately drives away and gets into a car accident and wakes up in the hospital and guess whose hospital it is:

Jack’s! Who is sitting by his bed all : I can’t believe this is happening to me. Then he asks John what is he doing there and how come he is at his hospital. HELLO Jackass. Jonh was UNCONSCIOUS. How would he know???? Then he is all ironic and shit saying.Oh I know that : it’s DESTINY right John.

Locke is all like: but Jack what are the CHANCES? Really, people. What are the chances? So we are back to the Man of Science, Man of Faith debate. Locke says someone tried to kill him because they don’t want him to succeed.

Jack – notice the tears – part of the Let’s Trash Locke Team – says: “Have you ever stopped to think that these delusions that you’re special aren’t real? That maybe there’s nothing important about you at all? Maybe you are just a lonely old man that crashed on an island. That’s it.” KILL HIM NOW. But Locke has another card up his sleeve. Before Jack leaves the room, Locke says: “You father says Hello” eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

That makes Jack cry even more. Locke: “The man, the man who told me to move the island — the man who told me how to bring you all back, he said to tell his son hello. It couldn’t have been Sayid’s father, and it wasn’t Hurley’s. That leaves you. He said his name was Christian.” Then he tells Jack all about bringing the people back to the island. He says it’s Jack’s fate. Jack tells him to leave them all alone.

Locke is at a hotel room  , he is desperate.

He writes the note to Jack.

And prepares to kill himself. And I am like: wait. WAIT. This is WRONG. The timelines are wrong. He can’t kill himself NOW. The Locke in the coffin doesn’t have scars in his face. BUT also, Back in season 4, when we first saw the flashforward with Jack being all desperate and finding the note that Locke was dead, his BEARD was IMMENSE and he was already flying back and forth trying to find the island again. This is wrong , wrong, wrong.

I have seen Locke down but not so down as this. It is really sad. Terry O’Quinn is awesome.

Then Ben bursts in and I am like, THANK GOD. Phew, I knew I could trust the writers, they woulnd’t be that crap in keeping a record of the events right?

Ben is all like, you did it John. You convinced Jack. He just bought a ticket. And you know if you get Jack , you can get all of them (because you know that Jack is the REALLY special one – *vomits*)

John is relieved. It is a really intense scene. These two actors rock together. I hope they don’t die.

Look at this, man. He deserves several awards.

Ben talks him into getting down. Then they talk about going back and then John mention Mrs Hawking. Somehow this is the wrong thing to say and Ben’s face changes and

HE STRANGLES LOCKE. BEN KILLS LOCKE.

BEN KILLS LOCKE.

BEN KILLS LOCKE.

O.O

Maybe I am naive, but I didn’t think this would go down this way. He makes it look like suicide.

Let’s not forget that I believe the writers really messed up here.

Then Ben says he will miss Locke. Now, I wonder. Doesn’t he believe he will come back to life? Why did he kill him ONLY after the heard the name of Mrs Hawking. Aren’t they allies? The plot thickens.

The flashback ends and we go back to the Island. Cesar tells Locke that when they were on the plane he was sitting next to the big guy with the curly hair  – which I can only assume is Hurley – and that when the plane started to shake he just poof, disappeared with the  white light. Other people did too and what the hell is going on here?

Locke says he doesn’t rightly now but he might have an idea and that he needs to find his friends. Cesar says there are a few people that are hurt. He takes Locke to see them. They find:

BEN! And Cesar asks if Locke knows him and Locke says: this is the man who killed me. eeeeeeeeeee

LOST.

Ok, not the best of Locke’s episodes. Still,a good one. The flashbacks were not too fantastic , we all knew how he had tried to co-opt the O6ers already. Nothing new there. Ben killing him was a surprise (to me, at least) and the WALT scene was cool too. The best was seeing Locke alive again. May he live long and forever now!

Next Episode? a Sawyer one. There will be squeeing.

Caps courtesy of Lost-Media

This week in our Lost recap:

Season 5- Episode 6: 316.

Disclaimer: This is a Jack Episode. There will be tears. Mostly his. If you are a die-hard fan of Jack’s, I would not read this recap because there will be mocking.

The episode opens and I check if I really got the right one on…

Because the opening scene is an exact mirror of the opening scene in the Pilot. Jack opens his eye.

And OMG he is BACK on the island! and I am like: ha? what? wait? Already? ha?

He sits and he smiles. I smile too, because it’s like oooooooo he is back!

Then he has a scrap of paper with “I wish” written on it. I wish what? wait! WHAT? ha?

Then he hears someone calling for help and it’s Hurley! He runs (of course)

He is up at the waterfall, Hurley seems to be drowning (wait! what? ha? can’t Hurley swim? I am pretty sure I have seen him in the ocean once or twice throughout this show)

Super!Jack! without a moment’s pause (of course) jumps from the impossibly high waterfall to rescue Hurley (of course).

Hurley has a Guitar case (hummmm possible Charlie connection here folks? I am sure this will come back later!), he saves Hurley (of course)

then they see Kate and they swim to her…(notice that Hurley is alone in the pool now, all of a sudden the pool is so shalLow they can walk AND JACK JUMPED FROM THE IMPOSSIBLY HIGH WATERFALL WITHOUT HITTING BOTTOM – OF COURSE. )

She opens her eyes and says “Jack.. are we” and he says “yep, we are back”

46 Hours earlier: LA – Back in the church, some of the O6ers are meeting with Mrs Hawking

And Jack is like: what is this place?

It has a pendulum….

A black board…..

Top Secret pictures that everyone can see….

And she explains that this is the Lamp Post and this is how the Dharma Initiative found the island. Then, she begins to tell a story. How the post was built over a pocket of electro-magnetic energy that connects to similar points all over the world. The island was in one of those pockets and someone (WHO????????) figured out that they needed to stop looking for where the island is and try to figure out where it was going TO BE.

Jack is like – you are kidding right?

Mrs Hawking (doesn’t she look like an escapee from Hogwarts?) carries on saying the island was always moving and this is how they were never rescued. And I am like. Ha? Wait! What? Ha? The island is always moving? Ha? What in space? I thought it was only in time? And only because of the Wheel thingy that Ben and now, Locke turned?

When people start to explain things in this show, I realise I am not too sure I want to listen.

Ayways, she tells them that every time they find the island they have a 36 hours gap to get there.

Then, Desmond has had enough and says: are you mental people? Are you really considering going back to the Island of Doom? Then he explains that he is there to deliver a message from Faraday.

He says that Faraday needs her help. Not Jack’s, not Sun’s, not Ben’s: HERS. She says: But I am helping, dear. I snort. he says “Consider the message delivered” He starts to walk away but the woman says that the island is not done with him yet.

Desmond walks back and tells everyone that they shouldn’t listen to her. That she cost him 4 years of his life. He tells Jack: “You listen to me, brotha, and you listen carefully, these people — they’re just using us. They’re playing some kind of game and we are just the pieces.” Then he tells Mrs Hawking: “You say the island’s not done with me. Well, I’m done with the island.”

Desmond I LOVE YOU!

But we all know that he is completely deluded if he thinks he is not going back at some point.

Mrs Hawking then explains that they need to catch flight 316 to Guam that will fly over their window. And if they want to return they need to recreate as best as they can the circumstances of the first flight.

…….

I stare at the TV. Is this the best they can come up with? This is so ….ridiculous. No, that’s not the word I am looking for. Pathetic? oh, wait a minute: LAME. That does not make any sense. WHY? WHY? For starters, there’s only 6 of them now. All of the others are either dead or back in the island. How can they possibly recreate anything? Seriously? No, seriously????

Even Jack agrees with me.

She then asks to speak with him privately.

She tells him that Locke left him a suicide note – Jack is distressed and so am I. We did not know that Locke had killed himself.   He asks why.  She says for inumerous reasons but the important thing is that he is going to help them going back to the island. Then she drops the bomb:

That Locke will be a proxy to Jack’s father’s body who was in the original flight, helping them recreate the original conditions.

I feel completely, utterly dispirited by this.  I always allow myself to believe that Locke or Desmond or even Sawyer are important characters on their own but they ALWAYS come back to Jack. It is always about Jack. So Locke had to go through it all, leave the island, sacrifice himself, so that he could play Jack’s daddy dead body? COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.

She tells him that he needs to get something of his father for John to wear. I roll my eyes yet again.

The freaking hero of this show, Jack, goes through his usual motions: he cries.

He yells.

He complies.

He wants to have a drink.

Then he gets a phone call and it’s his…

Granddad. Oh please spare me Lord, another Shephard? Will my suffering ever end?  The nursing home called Jack because granddad tried to leave again. blah blah blergh.

Then Jack helps him unpack and he has what? TEARS in his eyes.

Again. If this was a drinking game, I would have been drunk by now.

Because he found his daddy’s shoes in his granddaddy’s luggage.

He goes home. This episode is boring. Then again, Jack’s episodes are always the worst.

He finds Kate lying on his bed. And, as per usual in their interactions:

She is crying. She says that Aaron is gone. That he can never ask about him and that she will go with him to the Island of Doom.

Then they kiss. Chemistry = zero.

It’s the morning after. Look at him, all chipper.

They make small talk, like nothing really important happened. I guess it wasn’t that good. Insert evil laugh here. She leaves.

Then he gets another phone call. and it’s

Bloody (literally) Ben, saying that he was sidetracked(no shit) and that Jack needs to go get Locke.

Locke is at that Butcher shop

Look at him so peaceful.

Jack puts the shoes on.

And then tells him that he can have his letter back. He got what he wanted, he is going back. He doesn’t want to hear any more of he has to say. So, there you have it. Lo and behold: your leader. Your hero. Refusing to read a letter that may contain important information and/or instructions for his mission! Really smart Jack. You are such a winner.

At the airport: he checks in. He has to explain about the body.

Kate is there too.

As it this man. The camera stops on him, I have no clue who he is but I guess he will come into play later.

Sun made it too.

Then they see Sayid! Being escorted by a Marshall! He was arrested? How? was it Ben? Is it why he was all bloody? Why would they take Sayid to Guam? One must wonder….

And look! Hurley is there too! All of the O6ers are there, expect for Aaron!

They board the plane.

….

….

…. (Kate doesn’t want Jack sitting with her – insert evil laugh here)

At the last minute Ben makes it too.

Hurley is all like, wait, what is he doing here?   I ask myself the same thing cause you know, Ben WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL FLIGHT WAS HE NOW?

Jack says it’s all right.  Oh and somehow, Locke’s suicide note make it to the plane and is delivered to Jack. Muwhahahaha.

Interesting fact: no one asks what happened to Ben. and I want to know! Goddamn it people, are you not curious?

Jack and Kate eventually talk about how incredible it is to be going back. Jack says, “You don’t think that it means something, that somehow…we’re all back together?”

Kate says, “We’re on the same plane, Jack. That doesn’t make us together.” Wow that is so deep. I roll my eyes.But then something really cool happens, something that makes this episode: they hear the pilot’s annoucement and it’s Frank Lapidus! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Jacks asks to speak to him

And he is all like. Jack, it’s good to see you!

Then he looks behind him, and sees all the others and he is like Crap, we are not going to Guam are we?

Oopsie!

Later Jack asks Ben: How can you read.

Ben says: My mother taught me.

Heeeeee.

Then Jack asks Ben if he knew that Locke has killed himself. He says he didn’t know (And I think he is lying as per usual). Then Ben encourages Jack to read the letter.

His eyes fill with tears. Again. ay. The letter is awesome:

Locke, I LOVE YOU!

Right then the plane starts to shake , the bright light comes and then….

they go back to the start….

They are there by the pool and then they hear some 70’s song and a car that is approaching and…

it’s the Dharma Van!

someone comes out of it with a gun…

They stare incredulously – Jack

Kate

Hurley, because the person is….

Jin!

Jin Sushi!

Wait!What? In a Dharma Uniform?

LOST.

A very weak episode. The whole thing with the O6ers having to recreate the original flight and John being a proxy to Jack’s father was so stupid and lame. The best parts were Frank Lapidus in the plane and then Jin at the end. Anyways, next is a Locke episode. They are always fun!