“Inspirations and Influences” is a new series of articles in which we invite authors to write guest posts talking about their…well, Inspirations and Influences. The cool thing is that the writers are given free reign so they can go wild and write about anything they want. It can be about their new book, series or about their career as a whole.

Today’s guest is Molly Harper, author of the awesomely hilarious, compulsively readable Jane Jameson (“Nice Girls Don’t…”) series. Part chick lit, part urban fantasy, part paranormal romance, with a healthy dose of snark and comedy throughout, Molly Harper’s got the writing thing down pat. When we were offered a chance to read and review her books, we were ecstatic – and we loved them. Then, when we were given the opportunity to have Molly over here to chat about her sources of inspiration and various influences, and to participate in an interactive Q&A with YOU, dear readers, we were even more stoked.

Ladies and gents, please give it up for the lovely Molly Harper!

I know there’s a post-Millennium backlash against holding your parents responsible for how you turn out, but really, my parents have no one to blame but themselves.

My parents are voracious readers. They can sit down with a good book and finish it in an afternoon. So it wasn’t a huge surprise to my mom when four-year-old me started sounding out words on the Lucky Charms box. My parents indulged my love of reading with trips to the library and a membership in the Especially for Girls book club. Sunday afternoons were usually marked with a sojourn to Waldenbooks and a new Babysitters Club paperback.

There were early warning signs. People asked what I wanted to be when I grew up- I said, “Mad Scientist.” I checked out those non-fiction “Mysteries of the Paranormal” books from the school library so many times that the librarian sent a concerned note home. I was repeatedly caught reading Stephen King tucked inside my seventh-grade English textbook while everybody else was working on diagramming sentences.

(I ended up marrying that seventh-grade English teacher’s nephew, David. If I had known that the Stephen King incidents would be brought up at every major family event for the rest of my life, I probably would have just done the assignments. Learn from my example, kids.)

My family is “blessed” with a dry, sarcastic wit. If you want to survive Thanksgiving, you learn to quip. Writing was a chance to get all the words in my head out on paper, because no voice could keep up with my runaway brain. I liked the puzzle that writing presented, fitting the different words together in a way that sounded pleasing, but still got my point across. And it turned out that while my humor was probably inappropriate in say, a Sunday School setting, it was pretty darn funny on paper. The self-deprecating thoughts I didn’t dare express to friends, the comebacks I couldn’t come up with on the fly, they all came out on paper. And eventually, I could voice those thoughts and sling the comebacks… and survive Thanksgiving.

Still, I never considered a career in writing until a teacher compared my voice to a young Erma Bombeck. After I looked it up and realized that was a good thing, I developed an interest in journalism and humor columns. My parents were baffled. I said I wanted to be a newspaper reporter and my mom asked, “What happened to Mad Scientist?” We’d never had a writer in the family before. We were a staunch clan of nurses, teachers, construction foremen. And it wasn’t exactly the sort of talent you could “show” people. Their friends’ kids were musicians and dancers and athletes. What was my dad going to do, pull one of my essays out of his back-pocket and show his buddies my thoughts on being flat-chested?

Still, they supported me. I said I wanted to study at a college we knew nothing about. They took me on a campus tour. I spent my summers doing newspaper internships that paid very little. They helped me survive the rest of the year. I got a job writing for our hometown paper. They didn’t gripe when I wrote columns poking fun at them.

For six years, I covered education for The Paducah Sun, writing about school board meetings, quilt shows, a man “losing” the fully grown bear he kept as a pet in his basement, and a guy who faked his death by shark attack in Florida and ended up tossing pies at a local pizzeria. There was also an incident involving potentially explosive feminine products. But I think a statute of limitations has to run out before I’m allowed to discuss it publicly.

When people wonder where I developed my sense for the odd and quirky, I tell them I was steeped in it like overbrewed sun tea. Weird things happen in Paducah. My hometown has been featured on Unsolved Mysteries twice, which is twice more than any town deserves. Combine that with the bizarre tales David brought home from his police shifts and you have a recipe for dark, hyberbolic comedy.

I loved my job at the paper. I loved meeting new people every day and never knowing where I would end up. But somehow, the ever-shifting schedules of a police officer and a reporter did not equal “family friendly.” One of us needed to take a normal job for the sake of our young daughter. I took a secretarial position at a local church office, which left me with dependably free evenings for the first time in my adult life. We were living in “The Apartment of Lost Souls” while building our new home. This was the place where appliances and small electronics went to die. Every night I would tuck our snoozing child into bed and wait for the washing machine to start smoking or the dishwasher to vomit soap on the floor. It was either write a book or go nuts. I think I made the right choice.

I wanted to write something I would enjoy reading; something funny, outlandish, Southern. I wondered what would be the most humiliating way possible to be turned into a vampire- a story that a vampire would be embarrassed to share with their vampire buddies over a nice glass of Type O. Well, first, this poor woman just got canned so her boss could replace her with someone who occasionally starts workplace fires. She drowns her sorrows at the local faux nostalgia-themed sports bar and during the commute home she is mistaken for a deer and then shot by a drunk hunter. And then she wakes up as a vampire. And thus, Jane Jameson and the wacky denizens of Half-Moon Hollow were born.

It took me almost a year to complete and edit a draft of the book. My mom, a lifelong romance reader, was a great barometer for what worked in the story and what didn’t. David figured this was a weird way to spend my time, but if it kept me out of a padded room, he was happy. Dad promised to never, ever read a love scene I’d written. Ever.

I spent three months using agentquery.com to ruthlessly stalk potential literary agents. I was gently rejected by at least half of them. I corresponded with some very nice, very patient people, but ultimately signed with the fabulous Stephany Evans of Fine Print Literary Management. The book sold quickly, which was great. Then came the hard part, telling family members, my employers at the church, heck our own church family, that I was about to be launched as a vampire romance author. Some were shocked, confused. One sweet little old lady, pursed her lips and said, “But you’re such a nice girl.”

For my parents’ part, and David’s, they just shrug and tell me they figured this was how I would turn out. Decidedly odd, but theirs all the same.

Molly Harper is a former newspaper reporter and humor columnist. She studied print journalism at Western Kentucky Unversity. She lives in western Kentucky with her husband and children.

Check out Molly’s web site at mollyharper.com. For a daily dose of snark, friend her on Facebook or follow her blog at singleundeadfemale.blogspot.com.

A huge THANK YOU again to Molly!

And now, for the Giveaway:

As with our Adrian Phoenix interactive Q&A last month, Molly will be here to answer your questions. And it gets even better – courtesy of Simon & Schuster and Molly, we’ve got TWO sets of the Jane Jameson (“Nice Girls Don’t…”) books up for grabs. Entry is easy and simple – just leave a comment here asking Molly a question (about her I&I post, her books, her writing process, her favorite authors or films, etc). The contest is open to residents of the US only, and will run until January 30th at 11:59PM (PST). Good luck, and let the questions begin!

Today and tomorrow we are having a Molly Harper Spotlight. Earlier today we joint reviewed Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs the first book in the Jane Jameson trilogy; Now, we take a look at Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men (book 2) and Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever (book 3) . And tomorrow, the author will be stopping by to talk about her inspirations and influences and to answer YOUR questions – plus you will have a chance to win a set of all three books!

Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men

Publisher: Pocket
Publishing Date: August 2009
Paperback 400 pages

Summary: Once a devoted children’s librarian, Jane Jameson now works at a rundown occult bookstore. Once a regular gal, she’s now a vampire. And instead of a bride, she’s an eternal bridesmaid — which leads her to question where exactly her relationship with her irresistibly sexy sire, Gabriel, is headed. Mercurial, enigmatic, apparently commitment-phobic vampires are nothing if not hard to read. While Jane is trying to master undead dating, she is also donning the ugliest bridesmaid’s dress in history at her best friend Zeb’s Titanic-themed wedding. Between a freaked-out groom-to-be, his hostile werewolf in-laws, and Zeb’s mother, hell-bent on seeing Jane walk the aisle with Zeb, Jane’s got the feeling she’s just rearranging the proverbial deck chairs.

Meanwhile, Half Moon Hollow’s own Black Widow, Jane’s Grandma Ruthie, has met her match in her latest fiancé. He smells like bad cheese and has a suspicious history of dead spouses. But Jane’s biting her tongue. After all, would a nice girl really think she has a future with a vampire?

Review: In Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men, Jane Jameson, former librarian turned vampire after she was accidentally killed when a deer hunter mistook her for a deer , is still coming to grips with her life as one of the undead. If that was not enough, her best friend Zeb is getting married to a werewolf and the two families are not getting along, to put it very mildly; Zeb’s mother (AKA Mama Ginger or the Mother From Hell) is bent on getting Zeb to marry Jane instead and the werewolves are not very keen on Zeb either who now has one less toe, the result of one of a myriad of pranks they play on him. The wedding is to be Titanic themed, with an Iceberg and everything and Jane is supposed to wear the most horrendous bridesmaid dress of all time.

On top of that, Gabriel, Jane’s sire and boyfriend keep going away on business, disappearing for days without contacting her, never answering the phone. Jane is certain he is cheating on her but her lack of self-confidence prevents her from confronting him. Then her Grandmother Ruthie, a serial Widow starts dating someone new and Zeb starts sending really weird vibes her way. All of sudden, Jane maybe well be the sanest person around ,which just goes to show how insane this whole book is.

Drama: this book has in spades. Only, of the funny variety. Although, less hysterically funny than the first book, I still had a smile pretty much the entire time I was reading. Although a comedy at heart, this is also a character-driven story and Jane continues to grow as a character. And in this book, it is all about her circle of relationships and how she interacts or reacts (or not) with them. Sometimes, she manages to be proactive, sometimes she just shuts down completely. I also LOVE to read about the other character’s relationships especially that between Andrea and Dick Cheney. I am so rooting for them!

On the flip side, I was not very keen at all about the whole Grandma Ruthie storyline and could have done without it. I was also very frustrated with the relationship between Gabriel and Jane. He was hardly ever around and I could not, for the life of me, understand how Jane did not deal with that for most of the book. BUT that is part of their story and definitely part of Jane’s arc.

On to the next one!

Notable Quotes/ Parts:I love how Jane is a Jane Austen enthusiast. Her dog is named Fitz after Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice for example. But she also loves Sense and Sensibility. I loved how in several scenes in Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men, she would be in situations and she would muse whether she should behave like Elinor (and be logical) or Marianne (and be emotional).

Verdict: Although not the best in the series, this book is still funny and sexy and quirky.

Rating: 7 Very Good

Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever

Publisher: Pocket
Publishing Date: December 2009
Paperback: 336 pages

Summary: Nothing sucks the romance out of world travel like a boyfriend who may or may not have broken up with you in a hotel room in Brussels. Jane Jameson’s sexy sire Gabriel has always been unpredictable, but the seductive, anonymous notes that await him at each stop of their international vacation, coupled with his evasive behavior over the past few months, finally push Jane onto the next flight home to Half Moon Hollow — alone, upset, and unsure whether Gabriel just ended their relationship without actually telling her.

Now the children’s-librarian-turned-vampire is reviving with plenty of Faux Type O, some TLC from her colorful friends and family, and her plans for a Brave New Jane. Step One: Get her newly renovated occult bookstore off the ground. Step Two: Support her best friend, Zeb, and his werewolf bride as they prepare for the impending birth of their baby…or litter. Step Three: Figure out who’s been sending her threatening letters, and how her hostile pen pal is tied to Gabriel. Because for this nice girl, surviving a broken heart is suddenly becoming a matter of life and undeath..

Review: Warning. Contains spoilers for books one and two.

Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever picks up where Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men left off, with Jane and Gabriel touring Europe. Gabriel is still been a mysterious pig. Although it is obvious that he loves Jane, he is hiding something as the phone calls, letters (who read like love letters by the way by someone named Jeanine) and sudden business meeting prove. And he simply refuses to explain what is going on. Then, back home someone breaks into her new bookstore and she decides to leave Gabriel behind and go back home.

Back in Half Moon Hollow, thinks are as manic as usual. Zeb and Jolene are pregnant (and who knows how many babies a werewolf mother may give birth to) ; Dick and Andrea have moved in together; the ghosts of Mr. Wainsworth and Auntie Jettie are going steady; then Jane decided to join the Chamber of Commerce (where all the members are named Courtney) and whomever was writing letters to Gabriel start threatening her.

This book is slightly more serious than the previous books but this is because Jane has come a long way as a character. This is where she finally takes definite proactive actions. Seeing all of her friend settled and happy makes wonders to her life; her new business starts to grow (and does really have a love for books and literature) she settles her issues with her sister and confronts Gabriel . I have to admit I actually grew fonder of the guy with this book but Dick Cheney takes the cake for best make character of this series. His arc with Andrea was the best romantic arc in the books and I loved the way it ended for both of them. They provided me with laughter and even a bit of tears (which is to be admired considering this is supposed to be a Comedy).

But this is also a more balanced book and the best one in the series. The author has also grown as a writer and it shows. The story has less zigzagging and I thought a cleaner , simpler plot that worked out really well.

On the whole, I really enjoyed reading this series. I think these books are really funny and heart-warming with a bunch of great characters. I will miss reading about them but I don’t wish for more books in the series. I generally think that series tend to go for too long which a lot of the time results in series exhaustion, character assassination, jumping the shark, etc. I think Jane and Co are in a really good, happy place right now. Let them be.

Notable Quotes/ Parts: Because I am such a romantic at heart, I have to say I loved the interactions between Dick and Andrea. And there is one scene between Dick and Jane that was so cute. And adorable. I have a crush. So sue me.

Verdict: The strongest book in the series, it is a perfect ending for the trilogy.

Rating: 7 Very Good leaning towards a 8

Make sure to come back tomorrow for a chance to learn more about the series and ask Molly Harper your own questions, and for a chance to win a set of all the books in the Jane Jameson series!

Title: Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs

Author: Molly Harper

Genre: The spine says “Paranormal Romance” but really, it is Chick Lit and Comedy, with a dash of Romance thrown in.

Publisher: Pocket
Publishing Date: March 2009
Paperback: 384 pages

Stand Alone or series: Book 1 in the Jane Jameson trilogy

Why did we read the book: We’ve seen nothing but great reviews online for these books and many Smugglivus guest mentioned them in their posts. They sounded like fun and we wanted in.

How did we get the book: Review copies from the publisher

Summary: (from amazon.com)
Maybe it was the Shenanigans gift certificate that put her over the edge. When children’s librarian and self-professed nice girl Jane Jameson is fired by her beastly boss and handed twenty-five dollars in potato skins instead of a severance check, she goes on a bender that’s sure to become Half Moon Hollow legend. On her way home, she’s mistaken for a deer, shot, and left for dead. And thanks to the mysterious stranger she met while chugging neon-colored cocktails, she wakes up with a decidedly unladylike thirst for blood.

Jane is now the latest recipient of a gift basket from the Newly Undead Welcoming Committee, and her life-after-lifestyle is taking some getting used to. Her recently deceased favorite aunt is now her ghostly roommate. She has to fake breathing and endure daytime hours to avoid coming out of the coffin to her family. She’s forced to forgo her favorite down-home Southern cooking for bags of O negative. Her relationship with her sexy, mercurial vampire sire keeps running hot and cold. And if all that wasn’t enough, it looks like someone in Half Moon Hollow is trying to frame her for a series of vampire murders. What’s a nice undead girl to do?

REVIEW:

First Impressions:

Thea: Wow. When I first saw the cover (and title) for this book, I wasn’t exactly jumping with joy – my first impression of Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs was one of disinterest. But then I started hearing all these wonderful things about Molly Harper’s Jane Jameson books, and then there’s the unstoppable force of nature that is Ana, and then we got an offer to review the books. I took it as a sign from the universe and jumped in…

And wouldn’t you know it? I really, really liked this book. Heck, I loved it. It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s sexy (without being embarrassing), and… well, it’s just so much fun. Sometimes the best reads are the ones that take you completely by surprise, that force you to get off your silly ‘taking-yourself-waaaaay-too-seriously’ high horse, and just fall in with an entertaining, totally engrossing read. Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs did just that.

Ana: Ha. I told you so, Thea! I had been dying to read these books for a while now and the fact that so many people mentioned them in their top reads of 2009 only increased my interest. I couldn’t believe my luck when we were offered the Jane Jameson books and basically jumped up and down with joy when we got that email.

And Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs was everything I was hoping for, meeting all of my expectations, and even surpassing it in some points. I loved the narrative voice of the main protagonist, how downright hilarious it is (comedy can be so difficult to get it right) and the bit of romance was just the cherry on top.

On the Plot:

Thea: As I was telling Ana in an email, Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs reminds me of Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse books – except, in my opinion, better. The world that Molly Harper has created has a lot of similarities to Sookie’s Bon Temps – including vampires coming out of the coffin (and local anti-vamp/fang-banger human reactions), and the abundance of were-creatures, witches, etc. in a small town. Vampires themselves are portrayed as sexy (well, some are), superhumanly strong, and deathly allergic to sunlight. So, the world building is familiar, right down to the southern hospitality and synthetic blood. BUT, Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs is what you’d get if Sookie, Bill, Eric and company didn’t take themselves so damn seriously. (No broody-pants/oversexed vampires here, thank goodness.) And that makes ALL the difference in the world.

The tone of the book, the writing, the breezy style and pacing feels so natural and effortless, it’s easy to get caught up in the story and cast aside all cynicism. Yeah, the story itself isn’t really original or a nailbiter, with only a marginal mystery to propel the plot forward (someone, apparently, has it out for heroine Jane, framing her for a murder and pulling increasingly nasty and violent pranks on her). But the joy of Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs lies with the strength of Jane’s awesome, smart narrative as she tries to adjust on multiple levels. First, she’s fired from her job at the library – a job that she loved. Then, she’s gotta adjust to the fact that she’s been shot by a drunk (who mistook her for a deer) and subsequently been turned into a vampire. She’s gotta adjust to her new life as one of the undead, being unable to eat her favorite foods, drinking from humans, being able to read other people’s thoughts, and all the other drama that comes with being a minion of darkness. She’s gotta adjust to how her overbearing family will take to her new lifestyle (it forecasts an awkward coming-out conversation). She’s also gotta adjust to her best friend falling in love and feeling like she’s been left her behind. Finally, she’s gotta adjust to her vampire sire (the omnipresent, sexy 100+ year old Gabriel Nightingale – that’s his real name), being accused of the murder of another of her kind, and the more-than-friendly attentions of yet another vamp (hilariously named Dick Cheney).

Seriously, this is fun stuff. I was never bored with this book, reading it all in basically a single sitting. Molly Harper accomplishes a rare feat here as she manages to take familiar tropes across numerous genres – Gabriel is very much the historical romance alpha hero, there’s the comedic chick lit feel with the many real-life issues Jane has to deal with (unemployment, a family that won’t believe she’s independent and grown up, the nonexistence of a love life), there’s an abundance of humor, and some contemporary urban fantasy what with the supernatural creatures living alongside humans and all – and it all just works.

Ana: Thea is right. I too, was reminded of the Sookie Stackhouse books when I started reading Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs and as much as I love Sookie and her world (perhaps not fair to compare, but impossible not to, the worlds are too similar), I think I ended up enjoying this one even more.

The story is very funny (the scene where Jane wakes up after being turned made me laugh till my sides hurt) and entertaining without being brainless; through all the – seemly – breezy narrative there is a clear character arc. This is Jane’s coming of age – or coming of vampire – story. There is one important moment where she says that she was a human her life was stagnant, she had reached a point where she was satisfied with her career and even sort of ok with her lack of love life. But now as a vampire, she has to adjust a whole new life, new conditions find a new job, deal with her family (which is horrible, by the way), deal with her sire-possible boyfriend Gabriel and a myriad of other threads.

If I had one minor problem with the book was how the ending felt a little bit rushed, both the conclusion to major point and the revelation of something that Gabriel did. I could have done with a little more of meat there. All in all, I really enjoyed the read and I picked up the second straight away.

On the Characters:

Ana: I love Jane and her voice. Smart, funny and with a tendency to burst into trivia-listing when mid conversation, she is a completely interesting character. Although not without her flaws (and which really good character doesn’t have them?) with her penchant for sometimes burying her head in the sand, she is a terribly good protagonist and a sympathetic one too. Her modesty does not mean that she doesn’t know what she is good at and what how deserves to be treated and she absolutely stands up for herself in all circumstances. Well, maybe expect when talking to her mother.

Other than Jane, there is a whole plethora of secondary characters that add so much flavour to the story because they are not only interesting but they are indeed intrinsic part of Jane’s life errr, death. I really like her best friend Zeb and his relationship with werewolf Jolene; the ghost of dear Aunt Jettie, adorable Mr Wainwright, new friend Andrea. And I really, really love Dick Cheney (yeah, seriously) the sleazy sexy vampire. When Jane makes fun of his name, it’s awesome.

One last word. On the subject of Hot Male Vampires (because I can’t seem to control myself), I am not too sure where I stand about Gabriel. He seems to be too shady to me, to be honest. Sometimes, he is too cute for words and seems to be a southern gentleman, sometimes he comes across as a creepy alpha jerk. I sit firmly on Team Dick Cheney. (Although it seems Gabriel is the hero of this trilogy).

Thea: Oh the characters! How fun they are! This is where Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs really shines – and it’s all because of awesome, smart, self-deprecating, funny, trivia-master Jane Jameson. Jane’s voice as she narrates this book in the first person is genuine, unassuming, and, well, fun. She’s the kind of quirky, intelligent heroine that’s easy to fall in love with. She unleashes enough pop-culture quips and is so knowledgeable of useless factoids, she’d make Quentin Tarantino proud (well, minus the f-bombs). Furthermore, despite lacking courage when it comes to her family and job, she’s not exactly a pushover when it comes to her love life, which is SO freaking refreshing. When Gabriel tries to pull his possessive “MINE!” nonsense, she calls him out on it. When he’s done other…questionable vampire acts, she calls him out on it. She doesn’t immediately melt into a pile of sexually aroused hormones. And that’s a good thing.

Besides Jane, I gotta agree with Ana – there is no shortage of awesome characters here. Gabriel, Jane’s sire, is probably my least favorite of the bunch (as her creator, he blurs the line between “daddy” and “lover” and it’s just a little possessive and creepy), but he’s definitely much more tolerable than another small-town, Civil War-era emo vampire *cough*Bill Compton*cough*. I loved Jane’s friend Zeb, Zeb’s new girlfriend Jolene, vampire pet human Andrea, and especially Jane’s spectral Aunt Jettie. Everyone felt varied, real, and alive (even the undead ones)! Jane’s family – her passive-aggressive, manipulative mother, her understanding father, her heinous bitch of a sister – adds a dimension of awesomeness to the book too. Jane’s experiences are something familiar for many twenty-somethings, and the blend of tension overlying genuine love is a potent thing.

And, I gotta side with Ana. My favorite secondary character had to be:

“I like you,” Rich grinned and bowed over my hand in a courtly manner. “Richard Cheney.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said, shaking his hand under his nose, making it much more difficult to him to kiss. “Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You’re a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil. “

I loved Dick Cheney (now THAT’S a sentence I never thought I’d write). He’s such a Sawyer – down to the nicknames he calls Jane (“Stretch”) and his charming, roguish demeanor. Dick’s just so much fun. I’m gunning for him and Jane at some point.

Final Thoughts, Observations and Ratings:

Thea: Really, really liked it. Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs completely took me by surprise, swept me off my feet, and kept me solidly entertained. I definitely think this is a book worth checking out for any reader looking for a comedic, fun getaway. I cannot wait to jump into the next two books!

Ana: I always say that Comedy is one of the most difficult genres to write. It is difficult to get it right, in tone, in style and it must be in the right measure. I think the Jane Jameson books are Comedy gold, they are just right: for me. I also like that the comedy is not at the expense of character development so it makes it all the better.

Notable Quotes/Parts:

Chapter 1

1

Vampirism: (n) 1. The condition of being a vampire, marked by the need to ingest blood and extreme vulnerability to sunlight. 2. The act of preying upon others for financial or emotional gain. 3. A gigantic pain in the butt.

I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of girl.

The irritated look from Gary, the barrel-chested bartender at Shenanigans, told me that, one, I’d said that out loud, and, two, he just didn’t care. But at that point, I was the only person sitting at the pseudo-sports bar on a Wednesday afternoon, and I didn’t have the cognitive control required to stop talking. So he had no choice but to listen.

I picked up the remnants of my fourth (fifth? sixth?) electric lemonade. It glowed blue against the neon lights of Shenanigans’ insistently cheerful decor, casting a green shadow on Gary’s yellow-and-white-striped polo shirt. “See this glass? This morning, I would have said this glass isn’t half empty. It’s half full. And I was used to that. My whole life has been half full. Half-full family, half-full personal life, half-full career. But I settled for it. I was used to it. Did I already say that I was used to it?”

Gary, a gone-to-seed high-school football player with a gut like a deflated balloon, gave me a stern look over the pilsner he was polishing. “Are you done with that?”

I drained the watered-down vodka and blue liqueur from my glass, wincing as the alcohol hit the potato skins in my belly. Both threatened to make an encore appearance.

I steadied myself on the ring-stained maple bar and squinted through the icy remains of the glass. “And now, my career is gone. Gone, gone, gone. Completely empty. Like this glass.”

Gary replaced said glass with another drink, pretended to wave at someone in the main dining room, and left me to fend for myself. I pressed my forehead to the cool wood of the bar, cringing as I remembered the smug, cat-that-devoured-the-canary tone Mrs. Stubblefield used to say, “Jane, I need to speak to you privately.”

For the rest of my life, those words would echo through my head like something out of Carrie.

With a loud “ahem,” Mrs. Stubblefield motioned for me to leave my display of Amelia Bedelia books and come into her office. Actually, all she did was quirk her eyebrows. But the woman had a phobia about tweezers. When she was surprised/angry/curious, it looked as if a big gray moth was taking flight. Quirking her brows was practically sign language.

My joyless Hun of a supervisor only spoke to people privately when they were in serious trouble. Generally, she enjoyed chastising in public in order to (a) show the staff just how badly she could embarrass us if she wanted to and (b) show the public how put-upon she was by her rotten, incompetent employees.

Mrs. Stubblefield had never been a fan of mine. We got off on the wrong foot when I made fun of the Mother Goose hat she wore for Toddler Story Hour. I was four.

She was the type of librarian who has “Reading is supposed to be educational, not fun” tattooed somewhere. She refused to order DVDs or video games that might attract “the wrong crowd.” (Translation: teenagers.) She allowed the library to stock “questionable” books such as The Catcher in the Rye and the Harry Potter series but tracked who read them. She kept those names in a file marked “Potential Troublemakers.”

“Close the door, Jane,” she said, squeezing into her desk chair. Mrs. Stubblefield was about one cheek too large for it but refused to order another one. A petty part of me enjoyed her discomfort while I prepared for a lecture on appropriate displays for Banned Books Week or why we really don’t need to stock audiobooks on CD.

“As you know, Jane, the county commission cut our operating budget by twenty percent for the next fiscal year,” Mrs. Stubblefield said. “That leaves us with less money for new selections and new programs.”

“I’d be willing to give up Puppet Time Theater on Thursdays,” I offered. I secretly hated Cowboy Bob and his puppets.

I have puppet issues.

You can read more here.

Rating:

Thea: 7 – Very Good

Ana: 7 – Very Good

Reading next: Archangel’s Kiss by Nalini Singh