Guest Author: Elizabeth Eulberg and The Lonely Hearts Club Blog Tour

Today, we welcome author Elizabeth Eulberg who debuted this month with The Lonely Hearts Club (to be reviewed tomorrow by Ana), a book about how disastrous dating leads a girl to vow not to date again until High School is over and to start a club which becomes an overnight success and girl-power Central.

Elizabeth is stopping by today to talk about her own dating disasters:

My first thought when I was asked to write a blog about a dating disaster: which one?

After all, I wrote a book about a girl who decided to swear off guys, so needless to say, I have a few stories about boys and disasters. On second thought, “few” is an understatement. This is unfortunate to me, but not to my readers (or my friends who enjoy hearing about my dating woes).

So do I go with the guy in college who I had scheduled a date with…then waited until ten at night to call me to meet up (um yeah, no thanks)? Or the loser who cheated on me (and was the semi-inspiration for Nate in The Lonely Hearts Club)? Or the guy who could only text (seriously guys, learn to use the talk function on your phones!)? Or the many horrendous blind dates thanks to an unnamed matchmaking site (you sit on a throne of lies!)?

Honestly, it wasn’t that difficult for me to choose because there is one particularly bad date that that tops them all. It is the reason I had to get caller ID on my phone. And for my sanity, I hope it will never be usurped.

I was out a few years ago with some friends and met a guy. Let’s call him Bill. I thought he was a nice enough guy, didn’t notice anything that should have given me red flags, so I was excited when he called me up a few days later to go out on a date. Although Bill really wanted to come over to my apartment and have me cook him dinner, I made us meet at a restaurant for two reasons: 1) I live alone so I don’t like guys knowing where I live when I first meet them. 2) Seriously? You think having me cook you dinner is a good first date for me? Maybe on a third or fourth date, but let’s put a little effort into the first date shall we?

He was late meeting me up (a BIG no-no) and then informed me he had to go across the street because he didn’t have any cash on him. Um, okay, last time I checked restaurants took credit cards, but whatever.

Then when we sat down for dinner I realized something, and I don’t know if I didn’t notice it before (although I don’t know how that was possible) or he was just extra nervous. But after he would say something he had a nervous twitch and would kind of make this noise (mmmmmmhhhhmmmmm….). “Yeah, my dinner is good. Mmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmm.” “I work in finance. Mmmmmmhhhhmmmmmm.” It was starting to freak me out. I felt like I was on Candid Camera. It got so bad that I just kept talking and talking so he wouldn’t have a chance to speak. I think he took my overaggressive talking as some sign that I was super interested in him. Which I was NOT.

Then the bill came. I ordered a sandwich and a drink. He ordered two appetizers, an entrée and a drink. I didn’t eat any of the appetizers. For some reason when the bill came he was surprised at how much it was. So I offered to chip in something. He asked for $20. Now, I don’t mind paying, but my portion of the bill was maybe $12. Maybe. But at that point I was willing to pay anything to just get out of there.

There is nothing worse than saying goodnight to a guy on a bad date. Especially when he has no clue that it was a bad date. So I quickly said goodnight, turned down his offer to walk me home, and gave him a hug. Then I bolted. Done.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t done. I kept getting numerous calls at home, but no messages. I wasn’t picking up because I usually screened my calls, plus the phone was ringing every 5-10 minutes and I was starting to get concerned. I should have picked up the phone and confront him, but at this point I was completely freaked out. Then a few days later, I went to the bank and noticed that I was being followed. Yep, I was being stalked. By him. Fortunately, a couple friends lived nearby so I went to their apartment and hung out until the coast was clear.

I ordered caller ID the next day and fortunately, the calls finally stopped and I wasn’t followed anymore. To this day I still don’t tell a guy my address on a first date (although I do have a funny story on why I don’t!). And I learned to trust my instincts more (if I’m dreading a date there is usually a reason why).

While I fully enjoy being single, it can be exhausting dealing with all the frogs on the way to finding your prince. It can also be entertaining (mostly at my expense). Good thing I know about a club I can join if I want to take a break from boys…

A big thank you to Elizabeth! Next stop on the tour is at Lauren’s Crammed Bookshelves on the 13th.

And don’t forget to check back tomorrow for our review of the lovely The Lonely Hearts Club!