Lost Finale Recap- AKA WTF was that?!

Hello there! This is our recap/review (or rant as the case may be) of the season finale of Lost. We kick-off with a Flash-recap (25 caps or less!) of the 2-part finale followed by a discussion between us where we go mental with all the WTF?! and HOLY CRAPs and with our theories for next season. Enjoy!

So the episode opens with the guy in white (who turns out to be OMG! Jacob)

(Thea: AND he’s also Darla – I mean, Rita’s bum ex-con, heroin addict husband from Dexter!)

and nameless guy in black (black and white! black and white!) having a conversation. Both seem to have been on the island for a Very.Long.Time. Anyways, conversation goes and Nameless Black Guy doesn’t seem to like Jacob very much. Jacob seems to keep bringing people to the island and they come to destroy and corrupt only and Jacob disagrees. Nameless Black Guy says: one day I shall find a loophole and KILL YOU. Jacob is all like, I will be right here, dude. And guess where HERE is?

Laying in the shadow of the statue biatches! (WTF moment # 1)

(Thea: WTF!)

Then, throughout the episode we see Jacob out of the island, showing up at VERY important moments in the lives of all the losties: he was there when Kate first stole something; when Sawyer was writing that letter to Mr Sawyer; when Sun and Jin were getting married; when Sayid’s Nadia was getting killed; and when Locke was falling off that window and breaking his back. He was also the person to convince Hurley to go back to the island with the O6ers. Oh, and he was there when Jack was learning to count to five. Whatever.

(Thea: You have no idea how thrilled I was that we FINALLY got to see the epic moment when Jack sliced open a girl’s dural sack and had to OHMYFUCKINGGOD COUNT TO FIVE! *gags* This, along with the solving of the mystery of Jack’s pansy tattoos in season 3, is pivotal to the show. I can die happy now. *gags*)

Then, back in the sub. Kate is all like, GUYS, Jack has gone mental, he will detonate the bomb and KILL EVERYONE IN THE ISLAND. WE MUST STOP HIM, THIS CAN NOT BE. She convinces Juliet, who convinces Sawyer, they fight the pilot and manage to go back to the island.

Kate was VERY adamant that needed to stop Jack. Can you please save this information for future reference? Ta muchly.

(Thea: Check. Saved for future reference. Can I just say again how stupid I think this love quadrangle is? Just. DIE.)

Then Sayid gets FATALLY wounded when Jack is trying to flee Dharmaville after Eloise and Richard brought them back. They have the core of the bomb with them and plan to detonate it at the sight of the Swan Station. Remember that the clock is ticking and the Incident is going to happen soon.

(Thea: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, not my beautiful Sayid! If Sayid dies, his last words better be, “My name is Sayid Jarrah. And I am a torturer.”)

Then, Sawyer, Juliet and Kate get back to the island and meet Rose and Bernard (and Vincent!) . Rose and Bernard are not too happy to see them as they are…retired and sick of their trapsing around the island to stop Jack’s plans. Oh, gotta love Rose and Bernard. They do say though, that they are happy to die as long as they are with the person they love. at that moment?

(Thea: WTF moment 2 for me – Bernard’s hair is hilarious.)

Sawyer LOOKS at….Kate. Juliet sees this.

Please save this information for future reference. Ta muchly.

(Thea: *rolls eyes* Bitch, please. Juliet is worth a hundred Kates.)

Then, the trio stops the van with Jack, Hurley, Miles and a DYING Sayid. Sawyer asks for five minutes with Jack. They sit down to talk and Sawyer is all like, dude why are you doing this? Surely we can come up with another plan. Jack is all like NO, this is what we MUST do. We need to re-set ourselves to the plane and never crash on this island. Sawyer, who is NOT stupid says: what’s in it for YOU? I know you are not doing this out of the goodness of your heart. and you know what? he is right, because next thing we know….

(Thea: *gagging*)

The JACKTARD is saying that he plans to kill everyone on the island, even people that have NOTHING to do with the losties (like the Others, the Dharma people); to re-set their story and therefore making Aaron, Sun and Jin’s daughter, Penelope and Desmond’s marriage NON EXISTENT; to destroy the island and its environs   because….

He doesn’t have Kate. Yes, you heard me right – this is the idiotic reasoning behind detonating a hydrogen bomb. Sawyer is all like , you idiot she is RIGHT THERE, GO GET HER. Jack is all like, no, it is too late. Sawyer is all like, what makes you think that going back to LA will give you a better chance? Jack is all like if it is our destiny, it will happen. What sort of IDIOCY is this I ask? because if it is really destiny IT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED ALREADY.  AND IT DIDN’T BECAUSE YOU JACK ASS IS AN IDIOT. GOOD LORD. This makes me so freaking angry.  (WTF moment #2)

(Thea: On this count, Ana, I fully agree with you. What the fuck is this shitty character motivation? “Because I had her and I lost her?” SERIOUSLY?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

NOT because of, I don’t know, all the people who DIED on/because of the island – Boone, Shannon, Libby, Ana Lucia, Michael, CHARLIE, probably Claire, countless redshirts…oh yeah, and to your knowledge, Locke?!?!?!?!

Doc “I-wanna-fix-you-because-my-daddy-drank-a-lot” Jacksus (<–the nickname we give Jack, for his clear relationship to Jesus) wants to blow up the island with a freaking hydrogen bomb…

BECAUSE SO THEN HE MIGHT ‘WIN’ KATE BACK????????

Never mind the fact that this is IMPOSSIBLE in the first place since she’s heading straight to prison, seeing as she’s a fugitive and all?

Seriously. Stupidest character motivation EVER.)

Sawyer agrees with me. He proceeds to beat some sense into Jack and it is so beautiful….he is about to kill Jack when Juliet begs him to stop. And then…

(Thea: SUCK IT JACK! You and your sissy girl punches! I.E.

Yeah Jack. You go girlfriend.)

It’s time to please bring forth that piece of information: Sawyer looking at Kate. Because that is the reason why Juliet decides that detonating a bomb is now a good idea. because if they die, she doesn’t have to lose Sawyer. (wtf moment =3) OMG of all the things in the whole wide world:

KATE is the reason why these people are moving forward with this stupid plan?

(Thea: Again, gagging)

Sawyer is all like, I love you Juliet. I am with you. but Juliet is having none of it and then Sawyer agrees.

(Thea: *gouges eyes out*)

Then Jack and Kate have a moment. It’s all cutesy etc, then Kate says she is angry at HIM for making her go back to the island and I am all like WTF are you talking about. There was an ENTIRE EPISODE  to explain that you were going back to look for Claire (not that she did any of that searching so far)?

Then, Kate changes her mind. You know that piece of information I asked you to save? Well, Kate who was 100% sure they shouldn’t KILL DOZENS OF PEOPLE changes her mind because Jack asks so nicely.

They cry. Obviously.

(Thea: OMG, dude, do you think they’ll start counting to FIVE together? OMG SO ROMANTIC SQUEEEEEE JATE IS SO FATE!

*vomits, projectile-Exorcist-style*)

Then, the Swan Incident starts and things start to be sucked by its magnetic release. Dr Chang gets wounded. Sayid is dying. Then they throw the Jughead in the shaft, close their eyes, waiting for the blast and…nothing happens.

(Thea: I loved seeing how “Marvin Candle” loses his arm, though. Everything makes sense, now we know why he’s got that bum prosthetic in the Swan Initiation video! Sweeeeeeet.)

Right then Juliet is dragged by chains into the hatch.

(Thea: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! WHY COULDN’T THE CHAINS HAVE TAKEN KATE? Why, why, why!? Why, my precious beautiful Juliet!)

She is trapped, can’t get free. Sawyer is trying to hold her and he is all like, don’t you dare leave me blondie. She is crying, saying she loves him,

(Thea: Ok, I know this is stupid and cheesy, but it got to me. I love Juliet. And poor, poor Sawyer. Seriously, why couldn’t this have been Jack and Kate falling down the drill site?)

He is crying, sobbing, desperate and of course, so am I. Right there and then, Sawyer and Kate die for me. Juliet falls to her certain death and Sawyer is left heartbroken.

(Thea: Poor, poor Sawyer. Poor, poor Juliet. Guh.)

Cut to the other side of time. Richard has taken Locke to see Jacob. Jacob apparentely lives in the shadow of the statue still. And not in the cabin we thought he did.  Locke and Ben go inside. On the outside , Ilana and Bram , who had been carrying that strange box for days trying to find Jacob (seems that Ilana also has a connecti0n with the guy) find Richard or RICARDUS. She wants to show what’s inside the box to him but not before asking that dreaded question: “What lies in the shadow of the statue?” Richard OMG answers the question, BUT in Latin. Thank God for the Internet because we now know that he said:   “He who will protect/save us all.”

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

WTF MOMENT # 4

(Thea: WTF! AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!)

And then people, brace yourselves. The best moment of the entire episode comes next. They open the box and what’s inside is nothing less than

JOHN LOCKE’S FREAKING BODY. The guy IS dead. My heart breaks for all that it means. (coming back to this later) but then we quickly realise, who the hell is the John Locke walking around the island?

(Thea: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Jacob knows who he is: because he greets him and is all like, so you found your loophole.

(Thea: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

The Not!Locke says yes. I did. And it’s then clear that it is the Nameless guy in black from the start! Then Locke proceeds to get Ben against Jacob.

(Thea: *hyperventilating*)

Ben is all like, YOU, I followed your rules, did everything you asked of me. Then you never talked to me? You ignored me! Whining like a kid, he proceeds to stab Jacob, who does nothing to stop him and dies. But he says before departing from this world:

They are coming.

WTF moment #6

(Thea: I liked seeing this side of Ben – I missed it from season 3, when we see him as the vulnerable kid who just wants to be important…waitaminute, that sounds familiar doesn’t it?

My major gasp moment: When not!Locke kicks Jacob into the fire. Eeeeeeek!)

Then Juliet who fell hundreds of feet into the shaft into a certain death. Is. Alive. She then proceeds to get the bomb to detonate and it’s

fade to white.

(Thea: Only Juliet would be badass enough to detonate a nuke with a rock.)

AND THAT’S HOW THE SEASON ENDS.

What do we think of this? What do we think about this episode?

Ana: As you can see from my recap, I thought it sucked. It was hands down the worst season finale this show ever aired. If you don’t count the Jacob and the Not!Locke revelation – the only cool thing about the episode – the rest is too stupid for words. The characters and the way they react to things are so random. The dialogue is atrocious. The reasoning behind the attempt at re-setting things is IDIOTIC, but then again, when has anything that Jack ever did NOT been idiotic? The fact that Juliet and Sawyer go along with the plan did my head in. Kate..well, Kate is her usual moronic self anyways. Really,I hated this episode with the force of a thousand hydrogen bombs.

What about you Thea?

Thea: Ok dude, I think that there were parts that were making my brain bleed out my ears in a bad way (the shitty, idiotic, fucktarded reasons Jack, Kate, Juliet and Sawyer had for detonating the bomb in the first place), BUT I think that the whole Jacob/man in black (hello, Stephen King!), Locke/not!Locke and H-bomb/reset storyline was fucking INCREDIBLE.

I’ve had some time to get my emotions under control and really reflect on the finale and the season in general…and I have to say that in my opinion, this is a HUGE step back into the game. Season 5 quite possibly is on the same level as s3 for me (far surpassing s4). I liked it. I liked it a LOT.

And dude, on the plus side of the idiot character development, we at least got these:

Ana: So true! LOL. The sheer amount of JackFaces was worth anything else. No wait. it wasn’t. I think you have more trust in these writers than I do, Thea. Although the prospect of a reset storyline is cool, I don’t think that 1) it will work 2) is actually what is going to  happen. But that is for later. For now, I need to say that I actually think this season was the best season since Season 1,especially the first say, 10  episodes. The only thing that gets me really down is character development. They don’t make any sense. Speaking of characters, how do you feel about Locke being REALLY dead? That reminds me of Ben saying Dead is Dead remember? For once, the guy was not lying. In any case, that made me VERY depressed. Locke was THE character that made me fall in love with Lost. His Island Persona contrasting with what his flashbacks showed us until he went down the path of lunacy. And here we realise that he was NOTHING but a pawn. Everybody was playing John Locke…..because Not!Locke told them to from the future. He is the character I HOPED would really BE something else. But he wasn’t. He was nothing and it pains me so very much to  know that the last time we saw the real  Locke , he was so down, so depressed, he had NOTHING to live for and then he was killed by Ben. It pains me so also because you know what this means? That Jack was right about Locke all along, the mere concept of Jack being right …it dazes me….on another note:  that revelation was AWESOME.

Thea: I actually thought the whole Locke/not!Locke revelation was freaking AWESOME…and I am very cool with the writers killing Locke, for good. It does suck that he was a pawn, but this has been Locke’s MO from the very first season.

Yes, Locke is the reason I started really watching LOST (you know my favorite episode ever is 1.04 “Walkabout”). But what I loved about his character, especially in s1 and s2, was that while he initially seems like some badass knife throwing jungle boar hunter, he actually is someone so desperate to believe that he is Special. That he has a purpose. That for once in his life, someone actually wants him. And he does anything to keep that…which is his ultimate demise.

Yes, Locke is needed…but not for the reasons he was led to believe.

That said, this is LOST and everything happens for a reason. I don’t think Jacob would paint himself into a corner so easily. There may be hope for Locke yet.

And even if there isn’t, we still get Terry O’Quinn as badass not!Locke. I’m psyched.

Ana: So who do you think this Not!Locke is then? I think it is pretty obvious that it was the Man In Black  from the beginning but who is HE? I think he is smokey. I think every time anyone that was dead showed up,  it was THAT guy. I also  think he was the one in the cabin pretending to be Jacob when Locke visited him. The one who said “Help me”  – yes, help me killing Jacob.

Now, who is smokey and who is the guy in the great scheme of things? NO CLUE. But it has someting biblical about it doesn’t it? Jacob and his brother. Black and White (a recurrent theme of the show) ,maybe they are even sons of Adam And Eve (those skeletons from season 1?) – maybe they represent Right and Wrong, Good and Evil.  In that case, I think Jacob is good right? I didn’t get an “Evil” vibe from him but hey, this is Lost, there’s gotta be a twist somewhere. And I thought jacob was killed too easily…there is definitely something fishy there.

Thea: Yep, I totally agree with you. Ok, so basically it boils down to two major questions: Who is the man in black? Who is Jacob? This is SOOOO Darlton and their love affair with Stephen King. Consider the opening line of The Dark Tower books (The Gunslinger):

The Man in Black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

Like you say, LOST has always had an obsession with dichotomy – “Man of Science, Man of Faith,” Fate vs. Destiny, and in this case, White and Black. I agree wholeheartedly with you that The Man In Black here is none other than The Smoke Monster. And YES, I think he has been from the very beginning of the show messing with the losties – especially John Locke.

I think that Jacob and the Man in Black are two sides of the same coin – again, very Stephen King if we consider that The Man In Black from The Dark Tower is also the same harbinger of death in The Stand (one of Darlton’s open influences for the show, in which a huge ensemble cast emerges from a disaster and sides on two teams: good (“white”) and evil (“black”)).

Religious aspects, yes, I think there certainly are many – in the sense that LOST has basically covered every major religion in some way on the show (the Christian Adam and Eve in the caves, the Buddhist Wheel of Time under the Orchid station, the Hindu “Dharma”, the many sort of exodus scenes evoking Judaism, Sayid’s faith as a Muslim, heck we even now have a shitty Anubis for ancient Egyptian). What I kind of think (and kind of fear) is that “Jacob” and the Man in Black/Smokey are going to be portrayed as sort of fallible God/Devil characters, in a sort of Good Omens (minus all the humor) way.

Oh and Jacob is so not dead. He’ll be back, for sure. I think that this is All Part of The Plan.

Ana: Do you think then because Jacob “died” at the same time that the bomb was detonated, it means he will be part of a reset? Hummmm? I don’t know. I think he may well have died: but what if he comes back like a Jesus Christ OR like an Osiris from Egyptian Mythology? Gaah, I am fishing here.

What I really wanted to say is: what do you think happened that last moment? I don’t think that bomb detonated. At all. I think the bomb was a dud (and I think maybe even Sayid was part of it, didn’t he say he didn’t deserve redemption?  Maybe he wanted to die!) . I think the white light is the Incident, simply what happens when the energy is released, just like when they did not push the button when the hatch was still there. To me, this emission of energy sent them back to their own time – hence the “they’re coming” that Jacob says. I don’t think there will be a reset at all, I DON’T want them to go back in time or to have them in that plane again. I really don’t Thea.

But then again, what would be the fun of having them jumping to the future again? I am torn, my friend, I am torn.

Thea: *rubs hands together* Ok bear with me. While I do think that what you suggest is entirely possible (50% chance the bomb did not detonate and it simply was “The Incident”), it is also eminently possible that the bomb DID explode and we are back to REBOOT.

BUT.

I don’t think this will be a full/proper reboot. If the nuke did go off (if the nuke was, as Miles suggests, what caused the Incident), I am making a prediction for season 6.

We open the season on the Beach, focusing on Jack’s eye.

It’s the Pilot episode all over again. The plane has crashed, the losties are on the island.

BUT. I think something will have changed. Maybe Juliet is on the plane this time somehow, and Locke isn’t. Maybe Sayid is alive, but Claire and Charlie are still gone. The losties don’t remember everything that has happened to them…or maybe they remember fragments. I’m telling you, this is so very Dark Tower. Or even to steal a line from my late, beloved BSG: This has all happened before, and it will all happen again. Maybe the losties get another chance to do things right.

Continuity-wise, let’s say the nuke was/caused the Incident. Somehow the release of energy did not blow up the island, but it made the Swan infinitely more dangerous, such that Dharma had to create The Button that needs to be pushed every 108 minutes. Everything proceeds in the same fashion, all over again. Radzinski remains pushing the button on his own (as penance for being such a dick?) until Desmond shows up, and then Radzinski blows his brains out. Desmond pushes the button until one day he’s a little late, and Oceanic 815 crashes. And…it makes sense.

The only exceptions being – Jacob is “dead.” So, I have hope that the reboot, should it happen, will not be in vain! It will simply be another, final chance for the losties to get it right (much like Roland walking the endless desert, but this time around he has Cuthbert’s horn).

Ana: ARGH Thea, must you always be like that? So..so…so COOL in your predictions. That could work, that could definitely work, damn it. But I still think it is  going the NotDetonated way. Should we have a bet?

OK, so this is it for Jacob, Not!Locke and The Bomb. What about the rest? The Lack of Desmond (argh), the Romance side of things, and the deaths. Do you think Sayid and Juliet are goners (if things are NOT rebooted?). I actually thought extremely inplausible that Juliet was still alive after falling down the shaft.  I mean, come on.

As for the romance. I know we covered how stupid it all was, but I need to say it again: how idiotic the whole thing was? And you know what pained me a lot?  That Sawyer did NOT fight Juliet, that he just let her assume that indeed he still loves Kate so  much he would rather let them all die? He should have grabbed his blondie and stormed away to join Rose and Bernard and leave Jack and Kate to live or die unhappilly ever after.

After this episode: do you believe in Sawyer and Kate? Do you think they will be the end game still? I have no idea.

Thea: You love me and my psycho predictions, dearest! *grin* Of course, my predictions hardly ever come true.

[**Hmm, another thought just occurred to me: regardless of whether or not the detonation happened, our losties (Sawyer, Jack, Kate and Hurley for sure) are not dead. We wouldn’t have much of a season without them…so, they either reboot, time travel, OR are thrown into some kind of alternate reality/timeline (Back to the Future II, FTW!). This way we could have dead people still alive, etc…the possibilities are endless. But I digress!**]

I don’t want Juliet and Sayid to die 🙁 I hope that there was a reboot/parallel dimension thing that happened that allows them to be alive and well! But if the bomb didn’t go off and they just skip around in time, as in earlier this season, then they are goners for sure. Which seems a huge pity. Sayid has been dead in the water ever since the idiot writers killed off Nadia (poor guy! he spends his entire adult life chasing after the woman he tortured and helped escape, and then has half an episode of happiness before she’s toasted by a car). And Juliet…I’m not going there. She’s by far my favorite female character on the show, and if they kill her because of this idiotic love triangle I will be effing PISSED.

So…right now I’m in Denialville, and am going on the hope that Sayid and Jules will be fine come the last season.

As for the romance…

I. DON’T. CARE.

Sawyer and Kate…I used to think they were perfect for each other. At this point, can we please just stick Kate with someone (Jack, Hurley, Sayid, fucking Vincent, I DON’T CARE!) so we can all get on with our lives? I want more Desmond, and I want more character-driven story that isn’t all about Kate being a confused, stupid little shit eating up valuable screen time. Enough already. It’s been five seasons of this shit. JUST END IT.

Is that so much to ask for?

Ana: No, my friend. It is not, it is what I hope for too.

So, what about YOU, what did you think of the season finale?

We all have now one year to wait for the final season of the show. Here’s   hoping it will be awesome!